I've been thinking about time lately. It seems now that time goes by faster and faster as I get older (I think many people would say the same). Then tonight while coming in and out of consciousness while napping, I realized something. Most members of my family who have passed naturally have made it into their 80s. I'm currently 38. That means that I could be nearing the half-point of my life soon. That also means that I could start my entire life over and live, again, as much as I've already done (and I think I've accomplished quite a bit).
Of course, none of us are sure of our time here, but that feeling is freeing in a way. Want to learn a new language? I've got time. Want to go to school again? I've got time. Want to start another business? I've got time. Want to change my path entirely? I've got time.
This year was very hard on me. I lost my gram who was a huge supporter and confidant in my life. No matter what path I took in life, she was proud of what I was doing. And, no matter what the trouble I faced was, she was there for me. There is, of course, more in life than just time needed to do things. I think a lot of wind was knocked out of my sails when she passed, as I felt a part of my support system falter. I become more worried and more cautious (which, if you know me, is hard to believe, as I run on the overly-cautious side of things anyway).
But, this realization has helped in some ways. I could never "start over" the same way I began originally. Unfortunately, those times are past and many of those people have, too. But, I'm still surrounded with so much love and support that I feel bad most of the time even talking about things like this. But, not talking is also a great way to stay where you are and never get out of your own head.
While I may (or may not) have time for all these things, that doesn't mean they'll be easy or without new challenges, but at a time in my life when I'm starting to feel forced to really get serious about the future, it's good to keep in mind that the time is there. The time is there to do with it what I need to and want to. There is still time for many new chapters. While I often feel bogged down and like time is against me, my book has not nearly been fully written.
I have this idea that 2019 is going to be a great year. I'm not sure why, and I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm putting my energy into that thought and that calendar. It's been awhile, honestly, since I can say that I looked forward to the uncertainty of the future. But, as I do my own personal mental work (having removed myself more from social media), I realize that while parts of the future can be uncertain, much of it is a reflection of what we put into our present. So, that's where I'm trying to focus the most: engaging more actively in my decision-making in the present to affect my future favorably.
I'm looking forward to what's to come. I've still gotten my reservations on things, but, for the first time in quite awhile, I'm starting to feel the wind pick back up.
Of course, none of us are sure of our time here, but that feeling is freeing in a way. Want to learn a new language? I've got time. Want to go to school again? I've got time. Want to start another business? I've got time. Want to change my path entirely? I've got time.
This year was very hard on me. I lost my gram who was a huge supporter and confidant in my life. No matter what path I took in life, she was proud of what I was doing. And, no matter what the trouble I faced was, she was there for me. There is, of course, more in life than just time needed to do things. I think a lot of wind was knocked out of my sails when she passed, as I felt a part of my support system falter. I become more worried and more cautious (which, if you know me, is hard to believe, as I run on the overly-cautious side of things anyway).
But, this realization has helped in some ways. I could never "start over" the same way I began originally. Unfortunately, those times are past and many of those people have, too. But, I'm still surrounded with so much love and support that I feel bad most of the time even talking about things like this. But, not talking is also a great way to stay where you are and never get out of your own head.
While I may (or may not) have time for all these things, that doesn't mean they'll be easy or without new challenges, but at a time in my life when I'm starting to feel forced to really get serious about the future, it's good to keep in mind that the time is there. The time is there to do with it what I need to and want to. There is still time for many new chapters. While I often feel bogged down and like time is against me, my book has not nearly been fully written.
I have this idea that 2019 is going to be a great year. I'm not sure why, and I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm putting my energy into that thought and that calendar. It's been awhile, honestly, since I can say that I looked forward to the uncertainty of the future. But, as I do my own personal mental work (having removed myself more from social media), I realize that while parts of the future can be uncertain, much of it is a reflection of what we put into our present. So, that's where I'm trying to focus the most: engaging more actively in my decision-making in the present to affect my future favorably.
I'm looking forward to what's to come. I've still gotten my reservations on things, but, for the first time in quite awhile, I'm starting to feel the wind pick back up.
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